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This Smart Home Runs with 56 Year Old Technology!

Posted by Sherry Rioux on April 11, 2017

I recently sent out an email to my client family asking them to tell me about the technology they are using today in the world of Smart Homes.

Below is the reply I got from none other than my Client Care Manager, Chris McCormick whose writing talents are unmatched in my books.  Smart Home, Smart A**. 

I know you want to know about my Smart Home.  It is powered by a 56 year old ‘system’.  She gets up at the crack of stupid every day and runs around like a maniac turning on lights (only the ones absolutely needed), the coffee maker, the tea kettle, the baseboard heater in the bathroom (no chilly bum-bums for us) and finally, the gas fireplace is ignited.

Intuitively, the 56 year old knows when to do this.  At 6:15, she turns on the outside lights so that incoming visitors don’t fall up the stairs to the front door!  Isn’t that smart?  That’ll save significantly on lawsuits!

When the light of the sun is high enough in the sky, the 56 year old turns out all the lights again.  If it is a warm day, she turns down the fireplace and baseboard heaters!  It must be magic!  So S-M-R-T!!!

At the end of the day, the whole system reverses itself, turning things on and off as needed.  It’s like Merlin himself is living at my place.

My neighbour has a smart home, and I have to say I think this technology is a misnomer.  Here’s why:  his smart-home Nest Cam watches our back yards, which adjoin.  I’ve now been treated to videos of all sorts of wildlife using my backyard as a toilet each night:  ducks, geese, mama skunk, a raccoon, a couple of drunks, some guy who’s ‘high on life’, 2 foxes and a partridge in a pear tree.  Smart is NOT watching what poops in your garden at night, because you can’t unsee these images.  With every little creek or rattle,  your brain wakes you up to go stand in the dark in your dining room, squinting to see what next up and coming star of the local animal kingdom is defecating by your deck stairs.  This is the opposite of smart.  This is dumb.

I wish I could take credit for this “Smart-home technology”, but alas, it wasn’t my idea, and indeed it has been the way of the world for many a-year, I am told.  In any case, it works like a charm (albeit a 56 year old one….)

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